Apologies to those who have been missing this column. I had envisioned it as a quick weekly check-in, so it’s been odd to be silent for so long. To be completely honest, a small reason is that things just haven’t been eventful. While I’ve done plenty in my personal life to stay busy, I wouldn’t say much of it was worth putting down on paper. That, and I think my efforts on The Memory Tourist to cram everything into my How I Live Now column, means that I often forgo any effort for due diligence here.
Which is all to say that the past seven days have been a lot more memorable than those previous. I will have an upcoming column about my time seeing The Sparks play The Aces. I also have now been to TWO CSULB women’s volleyball games, and they each presented a mixed bag of results. I am so happy to have the team back, but pre-season games feel weird because they often have uneven playing fields. Was anyone expecting them to beat Oregon? Probably not. Let’s just say it was a rough night.
But, as I’ve tried to do a few times now, I will try a rundown of things that have been on my mind as of late. For starters, a lot of writing projects are in various forms of turnaround. I have recently published a new short story called “Except Change.” I have another called “Sitting in a Tin Can” that still needs a few edits before I can share it. Finally, there is an off chance that the expedience with which I’m writing may mean that I have TWO short stories in September, which puts me ahead of the curve. I am currently averaging a short story a month for the entire year and quickly approaching a full year of regular output. As someone who has experienced writer’s block, including significantly in the past five years, I am currently experiencing an accomplishment high that I don’t think you can understand unless you have a career that asks for unique types of productivity. I’m not even talking about whether this is my best work, but just that I’m pushing myself in ways I feel I haven’t in a long time. Not only that, but it doesn’t feel like tired rehashing. To me, that’s a big accomplishment.
If there’s one event that would be difficult to get through this week’s entry without mentioning, it’s 9/11. As the day quickly approached, I noticed that 2026 would mark a quarter-century since that fateful day when a lot of harrowing, life-changing incidents had happened. They’ve been etched into the American consciousness in such a way that I find it difficult to believe there’s a generation that’s less reverent for that tragedy. I was on Facebook just this afternoon, and there was a joke with several parts about how somebody’s “relative” died on 9/11, and the twist was that it was the hijacker. From there, the joke talked about whether he was a good or bad pilot. Nobody in the comments section seemed intent on recognizing the poor taste joke, making me realize that there is something that I have too much reverence for. I’m sure there are other tragedies that I’ve made fun of that others would be shocked at me for, so I am not here to chastise, though at the same time… I’m still processing that 9/11 was 25 years ago.
Every year around this time, I get a little melancholic because of it. Some years, I tend to do surface-level research into that day as a small reminder. I think of the firefighters rescuing people from burning buildings. For whatever reason, I have also been fixated on “the jumpers” in part because I have this memory of watching the live footage and seeing a body fall. It’s not “The Falling Man” that has been immortalized in photographs, but just the harsh reality of being stuck on a floor surrounded by impending doom. It was only a question of how long it would be.
It's obviously something that I can’t personally ever comprehend. Outside of a digital reenactment I watched of survivors who navigated the building to safety decades ago, I don’t think there’s any way to recognize the terror, especially when I’m in California and a 12-year-old. It’s a big reason that “Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close” (the book, less the movie) has continued to resonate with me, if just because it’s the age bracket I was in and doing what I could to cope. It’s not like I had much reason to feel immediate ties, but you still want to recognize empathy for what changed in America during that time.
Another reason this has been on my mind is that I am reading Don DeLillo’s “Falling Man.” I’ve actually had this book on my mind for a few years, but I only recently came across it on one of my many used bookstore trips. It has been a goal to read it around the week of 9/11, and this year I’ve achieved it. I still have 40 pages to go, but I think that I can formulate a lot of my thoughts here in a concrete manner.
For starters, Don DeLillo is an author whom I respect more than love. He’s an icon of post-modernist fiction, and I often feel like I’m not using my full critical thinking skills when I read his novels. They’re enjoyable, but he’s often dry and intellectual in a way that makes me think he’s hiding something in the mundanity. Is there some larger point that I’m missing? I’m not sure what it says that “Endzone” is one of his only novels where I understood the larger messaging without online discourse. With all that said, he’s a heck of a writer and someone whose perspective I appreciate having around.
“Falling Man” isn’t regarded by many as one of his best books. However, the timing of its release compels me because it is a book that feels more raw nerve than later texts. It’s designed to capture some feeling reminiscent of that time. You couldn’t capture that after 2010. I’m not sure you could’ve even earlier, but the point is that we’re now at a stage where everything is too critical, less emotion-driven, and for as much as I try to tap into that core essence, I recognize that my memory isn’t good enough to recall more than a fragment. It’s closer to a textbook than real life these days, and that feels even more surreal.
To DeLillo’s credit, the novel is an example of being dropped in the moment and expecting the reader to understand how his ensemble responds to the phenomena that follow. There are differing conflicts as the country attempts to unify while also finding other divisions. There’s this emotional disconnect as religion no longer holds a safeguard for some, with many looking for greater symbolism of what 9/11 ultimately meant. There has to be a greater truth, and I think DeLillo taps into that uncertainty very well. I tend to agree that “Falling Man” isn’t the most essential text I’ve read, but I like it as an example of being dropped in a moment and seeing the mindset unravel until something emerges, a rebirth of understanding that isn’t fully there but enough to find comfort.
At the end of the day, I’m not sure if 9/11 will ever not make me feel a little bit somber. As time marches on, I do recognize that I’ll be part of that generation that will be the last to remember being alive during it, and it’s going to be a strange feeling. Given how WWII iconography has been forgotten and history is repeating the less favorable parts of that time, the idea of losing a generation that reminds you the past is real is bizarre. I remember a recent WWII tribute ceremony where the surviving soldiers were honored. The youngest was in his late 90s. I’m not sure how to feel that it’s this close to becoming a history removed from the living.
But I suppose it’s for the best that 9/11 leaves me with introspection and a desire to reflect on that time. I recognize that it’s not a pressing matter, so I’m not as bothered by the lack of press around it. However, I still remain upset by the dark jokes about towers being hit and using actual photography from that day for comedic effect. I understand that younger generations have had a rough go of life and likely are coping through unhealthy cynicism, but you still want to believe there’s a recognition of larger humanity somewhere in them that knows that some things are too taboo. Then again, I have made some poor taste jokes throughout my life. Am I any better for arguing this fight just because I’m too sensitive?
Other than that, I suppose I could mention that I did housework recently while listening to the first two Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention records. Much to my surprise, I listened to “Joe’s Garage” several months ago and had a ball. I was curious to go further back and see where Zappa got his start and, more importantly, if his work still spoke to people my age. As someone more prone to novelty and oddball media, I’m not sure that I’m the best one to assess it, but here we are. I’ve heard multiple days of people recommending “Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow” on KLOS, so I’m sure that qualifies me for something.
There’s not much to say. I will admit that I initially wanted to say that I was above the lowbrow humor. Recognizable misogyny abounds, and he does a lot of dimwitted voices that shouldn’t resonate with serious listeners. And yet, I think I came away appreciating Zappa because he was not only a very ambitious and creative guy, but the execution felt close to the punk rock mentality that I pretty much lived by as a teenager. Even if the closest he came to snot-flicking anarchy was a doo-wop song, it’s still kind of brilliant. It may sound like it belongs on Dr. Demento, but it still is too well-produced to ever be outright dismissed. I wouldn’t say it was all gravy, but I love how much he didn’t care about appealing to standards and trends of the time.
Right now, I guess that I am contemplating whether I want to see The Long Walk in theaters. I am a Stephen King fan, but the premise sounds so stupid. Otherwise, there’s a decent chance that I’ll be spending Tuesday night catching Hamilton in theaters. As much as I’m mixed on that show, it’s not one I’m above enjoying regularly. It’s no In the Heights, but Lin-Manuel Miranda doesn’t come around just any generation.
Finally, I am starting the Werner Fassbinder series, Berlin Alexanderplatz. I have been a fan of the handful of films I’ve seen, most notably Fox and Friends. I suppose there’s something about a 15-hour film that makes me think I’ll see something greater in his talent that raises him to the next level. I’ve only seen the first episode and thus don’t have a lot to go off of, but I’m going to try and see where things go. I am going to have a house to myself for a week, so it’s as good a time as any to give a lengthy endeavor a shot.
I’m sorry for the delay and hope to be back more promptly. I can’t be sure when that will be, but maybe next week will produce enough memorable experiences to warrant one. If not, there will still be a reason to produce a short update. I know this was originally designed to be only a few paragraphs long, but I guess it’s in my instinct just to go for the jugular every time out. Oh well. Anyway, there’s a new Paul Thomas Anderson movie coming out. Do you think it will be good? He’s one of my favorites, so I have to believe something about it will be worthwhile.
So until next time. Hope all’s well and I’ll see ya when I see ya.
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